FROM FLIRTATION TO DIVORCE: What Makes Women Happy and Marriages Successful
Ilya Shore. Wedding, 1955 / facebook.com
Ask your grandfathers how they courted your grandmothers. Find out from your parents how their romantic relationships developed. Now, compare their experiences with your own and with what you observe around you. Try to identify the differences — or, on the contrary, discover the similarities. This way, you can confirm or refute the scientists’ claim about how much relationships between men and women have changed over time. We hope that our article will help you in this exploration.
HAPPINESS DOESN’T DEPEND ON TECHNOLOGY
New generations tend to have a certain level of self-assurance. In an era of unprecedented technological advancements, relationships between men and women from past decades may seem somewhat «outdated». Social media, the internet, artificial intelligence, computers, and smartphones — have they really not influenced how people choose and communicate with their partners?
Scientists believe that, overall, modern perceptions of relationships differ little from those of previous generations. According to psychologist Brian Ogolsky from the University of Illinois, they have remained practically the same as they were 10 or even 20 years ago. The only noticeable change is in what he calls the «trajectory» of relationship development.
The entry points into relationships have become more diverse, as have the exit options. This was demonstrated in a 2022 survey of 250 students aged 18 to 29, who were asked to share their experiences and thoughts on how romantic relationships typically begin, develop, and end. When analyzing the results, researchers identified four key stages.
FOUR STAGES: FLIRTATION, EVALUATION, STATUS, UNION OR BREAKUP
The first stage, as expected, is flirtation. This could begin both in person and online, always involving a search for shared interests. If these interests aligned sufficiently, the individuals moved on to the second stage — assessing the relationship’s potential.
At this stage, a decision was typically made about whether to continue the relationship. Young people viewed flirting and early dating as part of a broader model of interpersonal interaction — a social norm that didn’t necessarily lead to a committed relationship.
However, if a relationship did develop, it entered the third stage, where defining the partners’ status became crucial. This is where differences from previous generations became apparent. A similar survey conducted ten years earlier, in 2012, found that engagement was considered a key indicator of a «serious» relationship.
By 2022, engagement had lost its relevance. Instead, a significant milestone in a relationship could be the decision to move in together. At this point, relationships transitioned into the fourth stage, which led either to some form of marriage or to a breakup.
IS THERE SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOVE?
According to Ogolsky, the stages of romantic relationships have not undergone significant changes. They were roughly the same 10, 20, and even 40 years ago. The latest technologies — such as AI, social media, and dating apps — have had little impact on young people’s mindsets or the behavioral patterns of men and women in relationships.
The conditions for a happy marriage have also remained unchanged. More important than «love» — whatever one may mean by that — are shared expectations about marriage and a mutual approach to key aspects of life.
For instance, wives who believed in an equal division of household chores were significantly happier when their husbands shared this view. Likewise, if both spouses accepted traditional gender roles in household responsibilities, it did not negatively affect their marital happiness.
FOUR CONDITIONS FOR WOMEN’S WELL-BEING
Psychologists have managed to systematically break down the components of women’s happiness. They analyzed online questionnaires from 415 women aged 23 to 45 who were in romantic relationships. The results were published in the journal Behavioral Sciences.
According to the study, four key factors contribute to a woman’s well-being in a romantic relationship. The most important is psychological satisfaction with her partner. The second is satisfaction with intimacy.
The third factor is empathy — the better a woman understands her partner and shares his feelings, the happier she is. The fourth factor is having children. However, this comes with an unpredictable nuance: while children can strengthen romantic intimacy between partners, they can also diminish it.
HAPPINESS HAS ITS OWN RULES
The study also uncovered other patterns in women’s relationships with their partners. Surprisingly, higher education was not a strong indicator of happiness. It seems that the saying «ignorance is bliss» may hold some psychological truth.
Women with higher education were significantly more likely to question the adequacy of their current relationship compared to those without a degree. Meanwhile, women who did not have jobs were more inclined to dive into intense love affairs, perhaps as a way to compensate for routine monotony and the lack of professional engagement.
A unique «happiness threshold» appeared to be five years of marriage. Women who surpassed this milestone felt more secure and content in their relationships.
Summing up their findings, psychologists defined women’s happiness as a balance of emotional closeness, mutual understanding, and sexual satisfaction.
Remove any one of these elements from the equation, and a woman’s psychological well-being becomes highly uncertain.
FOUR FACTORS THAT INCREASE THE LIKELIHOOD OF DIVORCE
Researchers from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem set out to examine the mechanisms that lead to relationship breakdowns. They explored the factors influencing a couple’s decision to separate or stay together in a study published in the journal Communication Psychology. Interestingly, they identified four key factors, all of which were linked to cultural traditions.
The researchers surveyed 100,000 people from 55 countries, asking about their attitudes toward marriage and divorce, personal values, and the cultural norms of their societies. After analyzing the data, they discovered the following patterns:
Divorce was more common in societies where personal freedom was a core value. The emphasis on individual emancipation and prioritizing personal values over societal expectations also increased the likelihood of divorce. In contrast, in cultures that placed a high value on traditional stability, divorce rates were significantly lower.
Individual traits also played a major role in marital stability. Curious individuals who actively sought new experiences were more likely to divorce, as were those who placed a high priority on personal pleasure and freedom.
A NEW APPROACH TO FAMILY THERAPY
Divorce is often seen as a personal decision made by the spouses involved. However, the Israeli study revealed that it is far more complex. Social context and cultural norms play a significant role in determining a marriage’s success or failure.
This means that when entering a marriage, partners should consider potential risks, realistically assess their personal outlook on life, and ensure that their values align with those of their partner. Psychologists hope that a better understanding of the dynamics of marital happiness will elevate family therapy to a new level, helping couples maintain trust and romance in their relationships.
Original research:
